Live from the sixth floor balcony

I started  RippleToe's starting strength program today

3x5 squats 162lb
3x5 bench press 55lb dumbells
1x5 deadlifth 192lbs

Dips 2x8

ran for about ten minutes. I need to change that to a series of sprints, better cardio and better results.

My lack of self esteem excluded, I will say this. I'm looking out the balcony of a beautiful hotel with an amazing view of downtown Hotlanta, and I'm about to max out on a feature film so I must be doing something right with my life and the career.

Is depression the same as apathy?

I don't know why I am so crippled from anxiety. 

What's that? Oh you didn't know that every single day I almost succumb to a neurotic breakdown? Or that every single night for the last 4 years I've gone to sleep with thoughts of fear and distaste for the choices I made that day? 

I don't know if I'm unique in this or if I just talk about it more openly than others. I think we're all messed up inside to one degree or another, but I don't really know to what degree. All I know is this is terrible.

There was a couple of interesting things people said about me today

"You radiate happiness" 

Well that's pretty cool. I'm that insecure that that makes a huge impact on me, and it also explains why I seem to get the work that I do get. Which is pretty cool.

"You have something beneath the surface"

Yes, yes I do. She was responding to me expressing my desire to learn how to dance. But past that. Yes. I have a lot bubbling below. And it's stopping me, it's crippling me, and it's just plain annoying.

I guess the question I have is Depression the same as apathy? Cause I don't understand anything about life and I can't seem to make it matter. Is it bad that the fantasy I keep having over and over is about diving off a building? I don't mean committing suicide as much as I mean just wondering what it'd feel like to live without any inhibitions. 

I'm not unhappy. But I'm not happy either. I'm just numb.

++++

I just step backed from this post, and it might be kind of an alarming subject matter, but I feel a little more relaxed after typing it out. I was thinking of deleting this, but I'm gonna leave it up. This might be the kind of thing I should do more often. 

And if you read this, please. I don't feel like talking about it.

Speaking of Life Goals

At some point in my life, I need to participate in a dance off. Seriously.

I have a list thing

Realistic goals for 09

• Backflips on concrete
• Spinning Poi
• Tucked planche holds for a minute
• Advanced flexability
• Spinning flaming poi
• All reactions to concrete
• Riding a unicycle
• Wallflips anytime, anywhere
• Wheelies on a motorcycle
• Sustained flag hold
• Spinning flaming poi while on fire

I did todays CrossFit WOD after a bit of a warm up. I made a decision that if I'm going to be elite I have to have an elite warm up, so starting today I'm gradually subbing out exercises in my daily warm up with super elite warm ups, ala one legged squats for regular squats.

Todays Workout was

100 feet of lunges

21 pullups

21 situps

100 feet of lunges

18 pullups

18situps...etc all the way down to 

6 pullups

6 situps

It hurt to do this. Partially because I'M TIRED OF WORKING NIGHTS.

Also I've been using the Iron Gym Chin Up bar cause it snaps right into my hotel bathroom door. What they don't tell you about this device, is if you grab it in the wrong place it falls right down to the ground. With you. So that was fun

after a warm up and some tennis ball rolling

50 burpees + pushups

7 minutes and 2 seconds.

I'll be really happy when i get back on a normal schedule. I'm have a couple of workout regiments I'm looking forward to starting, but there's no way I can on my current schedule of work 12 hours at night, sleep, wake up and cram a workout in.

Non-Negotiables

Inspired by a fun discussion on the Crossfit forums of what the Non-Negotiables in your life is, the things you absolutely adhere to as a person. This is coupled with me feeling like I don't quite make a lifestyle commitment as a Christian...

Non Negotiables in the Life of Thor

• Seek to Love and Learn more about my God
• Recognize that I am an example of a Christian at all times and act accordingly 
  
• Embrace everyday as a new opportunity 
• Treat every workout/training session/session as an opportunity to progress
• Work hard with a southern work ethic at all times
• Believe in Improvement
• Accept the ebb and flow of life as God's plan

These are more than resolutions but less than just plain statements of how I live my life. They fall somewhere in between how I've lived in glimpses in the past and how I desire to live full time.

Clowns, Carnivals, and Zombies, Oh my.

ZombieLand Nights in Valdosta are dragging me down. The end of this shoot is coming Friday and I think my body sense it. My general sense of time is completely thrown off, I have no idea if I'm working to many hours and not getting enough sleep or vice versa. All of these nights are sort of blending into one another, save a highlight here and there.

My chauffeur for the evening

I got to ride shoddy with Stuntman superstar Tim Trella as he spun a Denali around firing a machine gun out the window. As far as cool things go, it's pretty high up there.

as far as workouts go, I'm resigning to the fact that I'm simply to wacked out to work on skills and have to go just strength training

Yesterday was 

"Valdosta Special"

5 rounds 

10 pullups

15 pushups

20 vups

30 squats

while wearing a 20lb vest. It took me about 27.00 minutes, but I think the intensity level was to low. It's way past the time to just grind out workouts.

My own worst problems.

I've been reading Bruce Lee's "Striking thoughts, wisdom for Daily Living" in a bid to help increase my Mental Fitness. His quote about being honest 

""

really stuck out to me. In an effort to be honest, here is a list of my personal weakness holding me back from my goals

- Lack of focus. I have a plan when it's presented by Crossfit, or by a Teacher, but when I am on my own in open gym, I sort of wander. I also find it hard to stay motivated through a long workout if I don't plan on what I'm doing

- Impatience. I get frustrated doing the smaller exercises that I don't have problems doing and I skip through them without spending enough time to develop the technique to do a harder trick

 - Lack of Self Confidence. I'm afraid to try simple things when I'm around people who are better. This is only costing me exercise time

- Belief. This is my biggest problem. I don't believe that it's possible for me to achieve these things that I want. This needs to change the most.

These are my major problems with training as I see it. If I could correct these things and put in the time and drive needed I'll think I'll achieve far more than I thought possible.

Lights, Camera, Condition

Whenever I'm on set I have to creative with workouts. Wardrobe and make up folks are really excited to see you getting sweaty in all of their work, Transportation guys definitely don't want you bracing your feet on the walls of their trailers, and a few Coordinators frown upon any sort of shenanagins. You can add Location guys who are fearful of you getting hurt and taking it out on their insurance to the list of people not to catch you working out. 

I closed the door to my Honey Wagon, and worked on some quick stuff to make up for the lack of working out. I've been very concerned with my form so I did

 3x20 sets of Hollow Rocks

& 3x20 superman rocks

Later in the green room I had time to kill so I got into some handstand practice. Right now I'm working on achieving a correct hollow form Handstand, and a locked arm straight legged press. I'm able to lower to an L and back up with bent arms, now I need to develop the technique/strength to do it proper.

Here are the videos of the two best efforts, first the bent arms...

and secondly the straight arm attempt.

is amazing possible?

It's 5.20pm in Valdosta, GA. I am currently sitting in a hotel room, awaiting my call time to be taken to the set of ZombieLand. I am one of the few west coast based stuntmen with a crew of east coast stuntmen. Stretching the gap even further, I am the only stuntman who didn't come from some sort of athletic competitive background. When everybody else was achieving perfect handstands I was skating. When they were learning correct form on back tucks I was playing Nintendo. 

In the department of Self Confidence I am lacking greatly in this area. I always feel like I just slipped in and I don't deserve to be on set with these super men and women I hang out with. Since moving to Los Angeles some 6 years ago I developed some basic skills but if I expect to hang and compete in the world of stunts I have to be better. 

I worked my ass off just to get to the point where I feel like I'm not good enough, and I see How much more I'm going to be required to do. It seems like all the training I have done has only been to prepare me to really put in the work required.

 This Journal is going to be a record of the work and routines I am going to implement into my daily life to see if a person can start at 26 years old with almost no formal training and become truly "Amazing."